A year ago, Lysa Terkeurst posted this to her Facebook page. "What if God's plan is to change us through this before he changes our circumstances in this?" I shared it because I was going through a difficult time. We had just gotten the news that our baby's life, and mine, might be at risk, and we were waiting on test results to confirm. Her post showed up in my Facebook memories today, and I found myself comparing my feelings about this post last year to my feelings now.
Last year my heart was so heavy. So burdened. I wanted so badly for things to turn out MY way that I'm not sure if I was really even seeking God's will. I kept saying "Thy will be done," but did I believe it? I wanted him to answer my prayers my way, but as we know now, that's not how things turned out.
Here's what did happen. He changed me. God changed me and showed me that He is still in control. He didn't change my circumstances, but He taught me to fully rely on Him...to let Him hold me as I went through one of the scariest days of my life. He changed me because He made me stronger. He made me more faithful. He taught me to never give up and to SEEK HIM.
As I begged him through my tears every day to change those circumstances, He was already at work changing ME. It took having my heart literally and emotionally broken to make me understand that it wasn't all about me. You see, God put me in that circumstance in that time to teach me something. He showed me that I can't do this alone, and now when people say to me, "I don't know how you're going through all this," I know just how I'm doing it. Mercy. The endless mercy of my friend, Jesus. He is good, and His mercy endures. Forever.
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