The truth is that I'm not sleeping well. My mind is a mess. I’m exhausted. I can’t walk far without getting out of breath. I can't turn my thoughts off. I hug my little boy everyday like it might be my last. I'm confused. I'm overwhelmed to the point that sometimes I just can't stop the tears from coming. The truth is that my heart is broken...both physically and emotionally. I put on a happy face everyday and try to go about my normal day, but I'm just broken.
I'm a wife, mommy, daughter, and teacher suffering with advanced heart failure. My heart is weak and enlarged. My heart function is low, and my valves are damaged. The blood doesn't pump properly through my heart. I think there's more that I can't even recall right now. I've been on a myriad of medications since January 2017, but the medicine isn't helping to increase my heart function.
On Wednesday, October 18, my cardiologist finally felt it was time to meet with the Heart Transplant Coordinator. She met with me and my parents, and I left with an overwhelming packet of information on Left Ventricular Assistive Devices (LVADs...heart pumps) and Heart Transplantation. I learned what UNOS meant after hearing it all this time on Grey's Anatomy. In case you were wondering, it's the United Network of Organ Sharing.
I am not sure I've processed all of this yet. I want to wake up. I feel like it must be some bad dream, right? It's not, though. This is my life now, and this is the mountain God is giving me to climb. The process to be evaluated for the heart transplant list is incredibly overwhelming (seems like I use that word a lot these days), but the only way I know how to deal with this is lean on Him for understanding and take each day, each appointment, each test, just one at a time.
You're probably wondering how a 31-year-old person got such a damaged heart. Yeah, I wonder that myself a lot, too. I'll start from the beginning...next time.
As for now, when you ask me how I'm doing, the truth is "I'm fighting. I'm surviving."
I'm a wife, mommy, daughter, and teacher suffering with advanced heart failure. My heart is weak and enlarged. My heart function is low, and my valves are damaged. The blood doesn't pump properly through my heart. I think there's more that I can't even recall right now. I've been on a myriad of medications since January 2017, but the medicine isn't helping to increase my heart function.
On Wednesday, October 18, my cardiologist finally felt it was time to meet with the Heart Transplant Coordinator. She met with me and my parents, and I left with an overwhelming packet of information on Left Ventricular Assistive Devices (LVADs...heart pumps) and Heart Transplantation. I learned what UNOS meant after hearing it all this time on Grey's Anatomy. In case you were wondering, it's the United Network of Organ Sharing.
I am not sure I've processed all of this yet. I want to wake up. I feel like it must be some bad dream, right? It's not, though. This is my life now, and this is the mountain God is giving me to climb. The process to be evaluated for the heart transplant list is incredibly overwhelming (seems like I use that word a lot these days), but the only way I know how to deal with this is lean on Him for understanding and take each day, each appointment, each test, just one at a time.
You're probably wondering how a 31-year-old person got such a damaged heart. Yeah, I wonder that myself a lot, too. I'll start from the beginning...next time.
As for now, when you ask me how I'm doing, the truth is "I'm fighting. I'm surviving."
"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14
Candace. I have been and will continue to pray for you Hugs my friend.
ReplyDeleteLove you ❤️ ~ Becca Dorn
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